You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
