mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
