I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize