Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's get the cat blown out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
