Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
