So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
