false alarm. still invincible.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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