I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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