every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
