dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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