Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
