You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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