no, he came in my armpit
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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