if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
