her vagine was all disorganized.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
