Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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