I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
