Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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