Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
