Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
