You're so nebulous sometimes
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
