how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
