So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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