what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
