Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
