singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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