Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
