we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
