A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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