Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
