R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
