we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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