everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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