These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
