i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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