I can tuck mytits in my pants
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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