Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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