I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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