so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
