I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
