I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
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You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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