we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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