I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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