Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
