I cut my penus on the lid.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
