I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
