some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
