Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
