I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
