In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
