$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
