Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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