This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
