we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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