I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
