You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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