I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
