false alarm. still invincible.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
