Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
