how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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