The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
