he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
