i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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