College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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