Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize