If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
