No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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