Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
