Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Randomize
