Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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