Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
