You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
