actually, I'm a sock model
i would punch a child for taco bell
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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