I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
