I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My vagina just recognized that song.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
