i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I faked an abortion last night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
