we made out on top of his cat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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