Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
