Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
