Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
