Where is the hickey?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
